Why Lavatory Paper is a Scam

Everyone knows the incredulous enormity of a political conundrum that lavatory paper has become in the modern world we live in (or rather the modern world we lived in). Outselling even the best tissues in the market, this economic predator has devoured the hopes of many to ever live normal lives again. Some are well versed in the healing properties the subject possesses; though many are yet unaware as to the abundance of its greater conveniences.

Let us begin with the basic dimensions of the item, organizing our findings by manufacturer. Below is a table that includes some of the most prominent names in the business:

​Manufacturer	Dimensions: Single Sheet (in)	Squares Per Roll
Procter & Gamble	4.00 x 3.92	142
Kimberly Clark Corp.	4.00 x 3.94	1000
Georgia-Pacific	4.00 x 4.00	550

Right off the bat, we find that most individual sheets of lavatory paper are not in fact squares, as some would have us believe. Instead, each square has been cut down by a couple hundredths of an inch, resulting in significant losses when multiplied by weekly amounts.

To fully understand the seriousness of this blow, let us create another table depicting the amount discarded by each manufacturer:

Manufacturer	Paper Discarded Per Sheet (in2)	Paper Discarded Per Roll(in2)	Equivalent in Sheets (≈)
Procter & Gamble	0.32	45.44	11
Kimberly Clark Carp.	0.24	240	60
Georgia-Pacific	0	0	0

We can see that the ratio of paper manufactured to advertised paper manufactured turns out to be somewhere around 142:153 for P&G, 1000:1060 for KC Corp, and 550:550 for GP.

The conclusion that can be reached from this data is that GP is the superior lavatory paper manufacturer and the only lavatory products you should purchase are from companies under their name.

Georgia-Pacific for life.

Go Bulldogs.